New Years Eve 2009 - I Turn 40....

 You know... why is it that as soon as you make a step towards coming to grips with something, people have to try to make things worse....

   The girlies are going to FL to start school and my tool ex has to be a dick today. Why? Maybe he is bored, maybe he is having a bad day, or maybe just maybe he is just the biggest tool on the planet.....What the shit was I thinking ever being with him. Dumb. Beyond dumb and I feel as though I will pay for that lapse in judgement for the next 12 years. So today really has nothing to do with my journey towards 40 except that it just really strengthens my resolve to get peace and calmness.

I totally sound like some whiney old fat almost middleaged woman. But in reality I am whining, but I am not old yet, not really fat, but damn almost middle aged.... wait, I am going to live to 100... so nope, not middle aged. Woohoo!!!!!

And Oh, in unrelated news, Megan Fox makes me crazy, I think Kim Kardashian looks good with the lightened hair, I really want to see the Time Travelers Wife , and eventually Lindsay Lohan will make a Britney-esque comeback with lesser results.

Yes yes, I am sure it's not the end of the world.... but when I was younger I always looked at 40 as the age that I would have everything figured out. I would have my 2.2 chidren and my nice house with the black shutters and red door with the white picket fence and the little wooden sign that proclaimed our family name... Welcome to the XXXXXXXX home!!....

Well... it didn't exactly happen that way...

And now, this year... as the rest of my friends turn the big 4-0... I watch... envying those who are settled... understanding those who aren't .... and hoping that my crazy path has finally paid off (or at least given me enough karma points) and I have finally found the start of that wonderfully peacefull yet fulfilled life that I have always wanted.

I have never lacked excitement, nor drama.  I have been in the military.. on some of TV's top rated shows,( well, in the background, but hey that  counts)  danced with the masters, lived in a foreign country, been married , divorced, married ,divorced.......glamourous???? no..... .. well, maybe a little here and there ..... but it has been peace and deep connections that have eluded me... until now.  Ironically just when I was digging my own deep well of imminent midlife self pity.... a blast from the past... a ball date... comes and breathes light... glimmering light into my all but grey hopes........